Chelsea to appoint Frank Lampard after he reminded them he existed!

Editor F365
Chelsea boss Frank Lampard watches his former side

UPDATE: So, well, this is awks isn’t it? But this was written before it turned out Chelsea actually had noticed Frank Lampard, and had been reminded of his existence, and inexplicably actually did think this might be a good idea. We apologise and hereby promise we will never again make the mistake of overestimating Todd Boehly. 

 

What do you do when you have a back page to fill but the big game of the night is absolutely shit? Well, some of us just admit the game was absolutely shit and move on, but The Sun are not some of us. They are different. They are shameless.

Actually, are they shameless or did Phil Thomas spot Frank Lampard in the crowd and genuinely think that he had a bona fide exclusive about the former Chelsea legend and manager being back at the club?

Are we being too generous? Maybe, because surely if Thomas for a careless minute forgot that about the existence of television and the internet, somebody at the desk might have pointed out that he was unfortunately not the only one to spot Lampard at Stamford Bridge so, well, bad luck old chap, but it probably doesn’t count as an exclusive.

Too generous. Just shameless. For this is The Sun back page:

LAMPS IS BACK is one thing but ‘and could he be staying longer?’? Well, that is absolute bollocks, isn’t it? Pure, unadulterated bollocks.

‘FRANK LAMPARD made a shock return to Stamford Bridge on Tuesday night.

‘And the Chelsea legend could even end up staying there as caretaker boss.’

‘Could’ is doing an awful lot of heavy lifting in that sentence. Is that how it works? You come on Tuesday night, hide under the seats and just refuse to leave until Todd Boehly gives you a job?

‘Ex-Blues chief Lampard was in the stands to watch the goalless draw with Liverpool, just 48 hours after Graham Potter was sacked.

‘Now owner Todd Boehly could turn to Lampard to take the reins until the end of the season.’

There’s that word again. He could…but it would be absolutely mental. And we suspect he would rather appoint feted coaches Julian Nagelsmann or Luis Enrique than the last-but-two failed Chelsea manager.

A whole back-page story concocted from a man heavily invested in the fortunes of Chelsea being seen at Chelsea.

And then it gets worse on the Sun website…

‘TALK TO FRANK Chelsea considering Frank Lampard as caretaker boss for rest of season with club legend in crowd for Liverpool clash’

We are no longer in the realms of ‘could’ but are now claiming – with literally no evidence and not even the pretence of any – that Chelsea are ‘considering’ the return of the man recently sacked by Everton.

And of course ‘Chelsea fans all say the same thing as Frank Lampard is spotted back at Stamford Bridge for Liverpool clash’. Except they really f***ing don’t; not even the six fans they quote from Twitter are ‘saying the same thing’.

But the really galling thing is that this absolute nonsense of a story is then parroted everywhere else on the internet. Because the overriding rule of content in 2023 is that everybody needs to always do the same f***ing thing.

‘Chelsea ‘considering re-appointing Frank Lampard’ after legend spotted at Liverpool draw’ – Express website.

They even try and make a case for this entirely fictitious move, writing:

‘He would bring more experience on the touchline than Bruno and has the added bonus of knowing many of the Chelsea players. Lampard became Chelsea boss in the summer of 2019 after leaving Derby County.

‘He had 18 months in charge and led the club to a fourth-placed finish in his only full season at the helm, despite being hampered by a transfer ban. Chelsea have nine games remaining in the Premier League and currently sit 11th in the table.’

That is quite the ‘added bonus’, though the club would perhaps prefer that their new manager had not recently left Everton in a relegation battle.

‘Frank Lampard ‘could make sensational Chelsea return’ after Stamford Bridge appearance’ – Mirror website.

He ‘could’, but the Mirror‘s big Chelsea manager update of the day being ‘Luis Enrique travelling to London for Chelsea manager talks after impressing club chiefs’ rather suggests that he won’t. On reflection, we think Chelsea might prefer to appoint the Champions League winner.

They simply wrote the story because The Sun had written it and pushed it front and central. They knew it was bollocks but they did it anyway.

Is that better or worse than talkSPORT not wanting to credit The Sun and instead coming up with their own story in which they get to ‘understand’ something rather than simply repeat.

‘Frank Lampard is a shock contender to return to Chelsea if they decide to appoint a caretaker-manager until the end of the season, talkSPORT understands.’

So he is a ‘shock contender’ for a role that does not exist? Carry on…

‘Chelsea have held provisional talks with Julian Nagelsmann and Luis Enrique, but both could prefer to wait for the summer to take over at Stamford Bridge.

‘Lampard was in the stands for Tuesday’s 0-0 bore draw with Liverpool for what was a pre-planned trip.

‘However, the club legend’s presence at Stamford Bridge is believed to have alerted the hierarchy to the idea of him coming back on a short-term basis.’

That is simply wonderful. So talkSPORT ‘understands’ that Chelsea had forgotten Lampard existed, saw him in the stands and thought ‘oooh, now there’s an idea’. There’s stretching the bounds of credulity and then there’s this absolute bumwash.

But that absolute bumwash allows them to fill a few minutes of airtime as Simon Jordan was asked about the idea:

“I think it would be laughable.

“Lampard was an abject failure towards the end at Everton. The culture at Chelsea was poor towards the end.

“In certain quarters, Chelsea are a laughing stock. Why would they want to compound that and become an even bigger laughing stock?”

What’s ‘laughable’ is that anybody is discussing this with a straight face based on one man being bored during El Shitico, seeing Lampard in the crowd and thinking ‘I know that face…’

Chelsea