Messi feuds ruin Man Utd, Brighton transfer hopes with Chelsea ruled out for good reason

Matthew Stead
Where will Lionel Messi go in the Premier League?

Lionel Messi will soon be on the market but no Premier League club should touch him with a money-soaked bargepole. Todd Boehly really must resist his urges.

It has been widely reported that after two mutually unsatisfactory years with Paris Saint-Germain, Messi will leave upon the expiration of his contract this summer.

Messi was suspended by the French club over an unauthorised trip to Saudi Arabia, with reports coincidentally emerging that Pro League club Al Hilal have offered the world champion more than £350m a year to join them.

Messi’s father Jorge has denied rumours of a deal with the Saudi club, stating that “the decision will not be taken before Lionel finishes the league with PSG” and that “we can assure people that there is nothing with nobody. Not verbal, signed, agreed, and there won’t be until the season finishes.”

But speculation is rife that the 35-year-old could join Inter Miami in MLS, while Pep Guardiola reckons his former player “will do the impossible” to re-join Barcelona, who are rumoured to be interested.

The Premier League is always an option, yet here is one reason why each club should steer clear this summer.

Messi to leave PSG

 

Arsenal
The last thing those bottlers need is someone who was knocked out of the Champions League by Xherdan Shaqiri and Divock Origi, and who couldn’t ride Rodrigo Palacio’s rat-tail to World Cup glory.

 

Aston Villa
Poor Mathieu Alemany has only just left one club because of their questionable pursuit of Messi. Give the guy a break.

 

Bournemouth
They tried ‘the new Messi’ in 2016 but Juan Iturbe’s four substitute appearances and 55 Premier League minutes in that loan spell probably put Bournemouth off the real thing.

 

Brentford
It would make Brentford and Messi’s collusion far too obvious. The Bees, after all, are the reason he finally won the World Cup in 2022: rescuing Neal Maupay from the depths of the French league pyramid in 2017 set in motion a series of events which led to the striker joining Brighton in 2019, injuring Bernd Leno’s knee and forcing Arsenal to pick Emiliano Martinez in 2020, persuading Aston Villa to sign Martinez in 2021 and getting Argentina to call him up and eventually make him their No. 1 goalkeeper later that same year in preparation for his daft heroics in Qatar. That was the deal and silly Brentford agreed to it.

 

Brighton
You can’t sign Messi and James Milner in the same summer without some sort of apology first. And given the choice, Brighton would absolutely go for the latter.

 

Chelsea
There is no chance that old Lionel Andres knows The Basics and that ain’t gonna wash when caretaker Frank is back within the year, even if Todd Boehly’s offer of a 427-year contract will be tempting.

Chelsea should lean into the Neymar ‘circus’ under Boehly and Pochettino.

 

Crystal Palace
Lines of communication are likely open with Paris Saint-Germain already as the French giants pursue Michael Olise, but Crystal Palace quite clearly want to ensure Julian Speroni remains the only Argentinean ever to represent them in the Premier League.

 

Everton
Sean Dyche knows it’s Burnley or nothing.

 

Fulham
No squad has room for more than one sport-defining South American genius in his mid-30s, and Willian is doing just fine thank you.

 

Leeds
Big Sam and a 36-year-old Messi on a Bosman absolutely wreaks of mid-2000s Bolton but the manager will be gone by the summer, taking Leeds’ hopes with him.

 

Leicester
Really don’t want to think what nickname Jamie Vardy would come up with.

 

Liverpool
Joe Cole is only six years older than Messi and, in the words of Steven Gerrard in 2010, “better” than that donkey. Probably cheaper, too.

 

Manchester City
Not sure him and Pep Guardiola could work together to be honest.

 

Man Utd
For as long as Wout Weghorst is inextricably and inexplicably tied to Man Utd, Messi cannot possibly be paired with ‘Bobo’.

 

Newcastle
It is very important to separate your sportswashing before sticking a load on. Plus Jason Tindall won’t like sharing the spotlight.

 

Nottingham Forest
Barcelona had won one European Cup by the time Messi joined them in 2000; Paris Saint-Germain had none. Nottingham Forest’s two will just scare him off.

 

Southampton
No point signing Pessi to take all your attacking set-pieces when you have Wames Ward-Wrowse.

 

Spurs
Would Daniel Levy’s offer of his own personal cheese room, a dressing-room locker next to Richarlison and a player-manager role for another born winner really work?

 

West Ham
It would all be fun and games until someone reminds Messi that Joe Allen, Kolo Toure, Mario Lemina, Harry Winks, Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting, Jesse Lingard, Clinton Njie, Fernando Torres, Sead Kolasinac, Jesus Navas, Ashley Young, Victor Moses, Dan James, Francis Coquelin, Steven Davis, Scott Arfield and new teammate Emerson Palmieri have all played in a major European final more recently than he has.

 

Wolves
There is no reason to sign the Ballon d’Or favourite when you already have Ballon d’Awson within your ranks.

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