Big Seven (minus Man City) XI of players needing an upgrade features Partey and Havertz
The transfer shortlists are being drawn up as the Big Seven (yes, we’ve called Newcastle’s arrival), prepare to make moves in the transfer market. Pep Guardiola will probably work out some way of improving Manchester City, but we can’t see it, so none of their players are included in this XI of players in need of an upgrade.
We’ve limited it to two players per club, because we didn’t fancy a combined Tottenham and Chelsea XI.
GK: Kepa Arrizabalaga
Frank Lampard recently dropped the fourth best goalkeeper in the Premier League, for no reason other than he probably felt it’s the sort of thing football managers do. Edouard Mendy came in for one game and dropped a clanger before Kepa returned to the starting XI.
The £72m man has enjoyed his best season by quite some distance at Chelsea – this terrible campaign certainly isn’t on him – but there’s also little doubt that Andre Onana would be a massive upgrade. But Manchester United and Tottenham will be shopping in the same market.
RB: Ben White
Mikel Arteta may well now be regretting not using his third best centre-back Ben White at actual centre-back when William Saliba got injured. He’s also currently Arsenal’s best right-back, and has done a fine job for them this season, but although Arsenal fans won’t have it, an actual right-back would have done better. Joao Cancelo would be a smart upgrade.
CB: Cristian Romero
Either he’s replaced or has some sort of brain transplant, because although Romero is a wonderful defender 95% of the time, he’s an absolute liability for the remainder
“If I have to make a tackle then I have already made a mistake,” was Paulo Maldini’s famous quote, which can be adapted to sum up Romero’s philosophy: “I make tackles, rash and completely unnecessary ones normally, whether I’ve made a mistake or not.”
CB: Eric Dier
There have been two distinct versions of Eric Dier that have emerged interchangeably throughout his career at Tottenham. He’s pilloried from pillar to post for being a bang-average centre-back who’s somehow survived at a Big Six club for eight seasons, before stellar performances prompt people to question why he was ever questioned.
He’s now neither really, which is no fun – not great, not dire, just Dier, and that’s just not good enough.
LB: Dan Burn
The thought of Dan Burn standing over Rodrygo having boffed the Real Madrid winger to the ground is a beautiful one, and there have been few greater joys this season than the Newcastle-born defender thriving for the team he loves and playing a big hand in helping them to the Champions League. But even he must be rubbing his eyes at what he’s achieved, and someone who can provide similar quality to Kieran Trippier on the opposite side must be high on the Magpies’ agenda this summer.
DM: Thomas Partey
A surprise inclusion in a list of eight Arsenal players up for sale if you hadn’t seen his attempts to play football for the last three months. Crucial to their flying early-season form and most culpable for their end-of-season slump, Moises Caicedo would be a massive upgrade on the Ghanaian.
CM: Jordan Henderson
The skipper said he’s looking forward to the “challenge” of the imminent upgrade at Anfield and he will likely take a backseat to watch Alexis Mac Allister and co. patrol the midfield. A big dressing-room influence, Henderson will presumably stick around for the next three years before taking the well-trodden path to Brighton.
CM: Sean Longstaff
One of the biggest beneficiaries of Eddie Howe’s arrival at the club, it’s now far clearer why Sean Longstaff was getting such a big build-up when he first broke into Newcastle’s first team. That said, Bruno Guimaraes alongside him is testament to what a chunk of change can get you, and in the trio featuring the £40m signing and fellow Brazilian Joelinton, Longstaff is the clear weak link.
FW: Kai Havertz
He’s a very talented lad but the problem is he requires a team to play in a very specific way to get anywhere near the best out of him. He’s not a classic No.9, or a false nine, but a second striker, and given Chelsea have spent significant sums on Raheem Sterling, Mykhaylo Mudryk and Noni Madueke, with Christopher Nkunku set to arrive this summer, it’s hard to see where Havertz will fit in a line-up which will surely have to include a 20-goal-plus striker.
FW: Anthony Martial
Eight years of flattering to deceive is surely the limit. He’s got two goals in ten games since he returned from injury, and when you’re playing in a team with a ‘striker’s dream’ that’s nowhere near good enough. A lack of consistency is always the major criticism of Martial, though we’re all now comfortable in accepting the reality of him just not being that good at football.
FW: Jadon Sancho
May well not be starting anyway should United make an expected move to sign a striker, with Marcus Rashford permanently assigned to the left wing, but Sancho looks half the player that joined from Borussia Dortmund. It’s as though he’s missing a key attribute – possibly raw speed – to make the transition to the Premier League a successful one.